Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in let_go_smile's LiveJournal:

Friday, April 29th, 2005
7:48 pm	rrrrrp 'Rrrrp' - the sound of chicken, jacket potato, and veg. Ohh yeaahh. Thought it was about time I made another post here... okay so things on the operation side are good, everything is pretty much back to the new normal, little oversensitive but its bearable and should be fine in another week I'd estimate! yayay I still havn't heard back from my brother. this really sucks. he's always been on-and-off with the weed and he just got on again, and is feeling pretty depressed from it. I asked him to ring me on like.. monday... and have texted him a few times since with no reply. I'm getting kind of worried :/ Was thinking about this when some big kid in year 9 in school pushed into my mate. I pushed him out of the way and my mate swore a bit at him.. needless to say they start 'following' us as we carry on walking. they catch up and try to start something. told him to calm down and fuck off, and he did after a minute. I was walking in the canteen later and he shouted 'dickhead' so I just stuck a finger up and kept walking since I was more concerned about my brother at the time. Oh well, whatever.. I've been really GOOD today despite these two things! The sun seems to bring out these good feelings :D Was going to head off a minute ago to pub but my friend has just been delayed by an hour so I may wait out a bit more. Oh! my Dutch friend marie has been trying to convince me to come along to this festival in belgium in the summer. shes even offered to pay half the ticket, how cool is that? I may be able to make it.. it depends on this whole house issue and if I'll be able to afford it alongside rent and deposit :O Maybe staying home and working owuld be easier as far as money management and holidays go... on the other hand I feel I've come to the point where I need some independence in my life. Well enough of a rant for now. Current Mood: good (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 16th, 2005
8:38 pm	At some time this morning or last night, our family's car was stolen. While my parents despair about the loss of the car, I feel relatively unshaken by this. What my mind rests on is what drove these people to steal the car. I feel no anger. I feel compassion and melancholic acceptance. This person(s) was driven by selfishness, unawareness of the effect of their actions on their own mind. We phoned the insurance company. They did everything they could to wriggle their way out of doing their job of providing insurance. These people were driven by selfishness too, by greed to keeping as much money as possible. All of these social problems seem to stem from this defining selfishness... and it is a rather wordless understanding I have for all of these people. Compassion arises. Acceptance arises. This selfishness is the peculiar condition of our kind. We all share in it to some degree. Last night was the first time I left my house in 2 weeks since my circumcision. The first person I talked to in a week that weren't my own parents was a paranoid schizophrenic begger. He asked me for a little cash and I gave some. As I was giving him it, he complained about an injury on his leg, so I told him he could still visit the hospital. He said that they had sent him away for some reason, and he mentioned his mental illness. Compassion arose and I looked at him. The first noble truth, 'there is suffering' flashed in my mind. I tried to be understanding, and to point out light if there was any. Whenever I tried to bring any hope, he fought. He told me he had tried everything. I wasn't sure if he had. I left.. walked.. but I just couldn't leave him like that without trying a little more. I went back and asked if he had ever tried any medications. He told me to go away, and I did. We (buddhist circle) have a lot of ideas about helping people. My practice improves my character, helps make me a better human being, but in that moment, with someone screaming and crying and completely isolated, in a dark, scary place, unwilling to even listen.. it didn't amount to jack in helping another being. For that person, the rest of his life may very well be complete misery and psychosis. For me, my life will probably be much more pleasent, without a fraction of such suffering. We met only for a moment. That moment was a minute long and twenty-four hours ago. He is still on the streets, and here I am, cosy and warm. Just a few passing thoughts.. Current Mood: thoughtful (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 7th, 2005
4:08 pm	Recovering! Thought I'd make an update. The past week has been pretty traumatic and painful, but things are definitely healing up nicely. Details belows.. DETAILS: Okay so the bruise covering the entire underside of my penis has gone from a deep purple to a warm, orange-brown hue. Swelling has somewhat decreased and there are signs of the stitches absorbing a little (only after I bathe though, so perhaps I shouldn't bathe until they're definitely coming out) Painwise I've moved from Co-dydramol (double-strength codeine) down to normal codeine.. with paracetamol in both cases. All the way throughout, this has been pretty painless apart from the occasional twinge UNLESS I A) touch ANYTHING against the head, such as any piece of material (toilet paper etc.) B) get an erection, which happens every night and as I wake up, which HURTS LIKE FUCK because of how the stitching line is getting pulled and because there is not enough remaining skin to comfortably contain blood from the erection AND the swelling. Ow. Ow. Ow. Having gone about 7 days without any kind of release also means that the erections become more frequent and longer-lasting. END OF DETAILS! So generally, things are looking on the up! I am hoping that in about a week I will be in a good enough state to start wearing clothing, like the BRIEFS i bought from the shop, with the gay bodybuilders on the package. Also hoping to have friends visit me next week with grapes and pamper me. It will be great to see my friends again, I really do miss human company. I swear I'll start writing about stuff that isn't circumcision-related! Oooh mum just got back this second with like TONS of double-strength codeine. Too bad I don't NEED IT ANYMORE! I'll just half-dose I guess! Jack (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 1st, 2005
3:59 pm	lol snip Okay so I am back now. The local anaesthetic is beginning to wear off so the unbearably acute nervous pain is setting in. Better post before going into a state of anti-social bed-doom for the next few days! So it has been a very nice day. Got up a bit before six to shower and get my ass to the hospital. Went along with my mum and waited a while, did some forms etc with the anaesthetist and surgeon... said bye to mum. A pretty cute nurse showed me to the changing room where I got my hospital gown and dressing gown on, then went and sat in a lonely room with some goldfish and glossy mags for what seemed like HOURS before being taken in the theatre. Had a thousand people walking around me attaching pads and drips and shit everywhere. Cute nurse made small talk. :) Then ZONK, out I was... I think I had some funky dreams, but I don't remember them... then I woke up and it was done! I was then wheeled through to the recovery room. I decided to look at my poor penor, and it turns out the gauze had completely fallen off alreayd (found it on the floor later, wtf) so I got to see my exposed, bleeding penis. The head actually looked pretty cool! Aside from the blood.. ohhh the blood. Anyway slightly-less-cute nurse came in, gave me some tea and toast and water, and then applied a new gauze. I was still kind of out of it but was sobering up. Mummy then came along, so I got changed into my new MANLY BRIEFS and then headed home. The anaesthetic is rly wearing off now.. ow.. oww... ow. tender. sensitive. Imagine having all your finger nails removed. But worse. Much worse. Oh god.... :( Bye! Current Mood: distressed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 30th, 2005
11:41 am	Sup! Okay, so I thought I'd actually make a post to my LJ, a month after creating the damn thing. I'm making this post because, well, some of my friends want me to keep a journal of the horrendous, painful, grotesque operation I am about to endure. So on Friday 1st April I will be going into hospital at 7.30am to get a circumcision. This is for medical reasons (tight foreskin). So basically after the operation I have to be home-ridden for about 3 weeks in complete physical agony. After this pain has mostly subsided, there is another good month of complete sexual abstinance. I think this is why my friends want me to keep this all detailed in my LJ - maybe they get off on my pain? :( I'll post more later! Jack Current Mood: peaceful (4 Comments |Comment on this)